A Basic Formula
First, we’ll think back to our general conversation framework:
Suggested Approach
Now, let’s customize it for this situation.
Set the Time and Place
Mandy Manager walks over to Sarah’s desk and quietly says, “Sarah, do you have a moment so that I can speak to you in private?”
Sarah nods and follows Mandy back to her office. Mandy closes the door and they both have a seat.
Use a Soft Opener that Asks for Feedback
Mandy Manager: “Sarah, I’m a little bit concerned about your appearance this morning. I’d like your help in addressing my concerns. This chat will be private – I won’t share anything here with anyone else without your permission – but I will put a note in your employee file summarizing what we discussed. Do you have a few minutes so that we can talk about this and come to a solution?” Sarah says, “Sure, that sounds fine.”
Describe the Issue as You or Others Have Observed It
Mandy Manager: “I noticed that your hair looks rather unkempt this morning – it’s definitely not your usual polished look!”
Describe the Impact on the Employee and the Workplace
Mandy Manager goes on to say: “I’m worried that clients might see our business in a negative light, particularly since we have a rigorous dress code.”
At this point, Sarah could take two basic approaches. Usually, you will get a response like this: “Mandy, I’m really sorry about my appearance today. I have had one of those mornings and just didn’t have time to prepare like I usually do. Is it OK if I take a few minutes to fix myself in the washroom?”
Mandy will agree, thank Sarah for her co-operation, and life can continue as normal. Mandy won’t need to outline any options as Sarah has solved the problem on her own.
Sarah, however, might say something like this: “Mandy, you’re so out of touch! This is totally the latest style. There’s no way I’m changing my hair – this took me hours!” Mandy then needs to move on to the final step.
Outline the Options
Mandy: “Sarah, I’m sorry that we see this issue differently. If you won’t change your hairstyle to something more conservative, then I will have to get the opinion of one of our human resource consultants. My recommendation to them will be that you take today off as a paid day to consider my request. If you want to continue working with us, you’ll have to change the way you do your hair. If you think that my request is unreasonable, I’ll accept that as your resignation. Either way, we can meet tomorrow morning to discuss this further. Does this plan sound acceptable to you?”
Dealing with Dandruff
Dandruff is another common personal hygiene issue. You might describe the issue and the impact like this: “Tom, I’ve got some feedback to share about your appearance. It’s a bit uncomfortable for me to say this, but I’d appreciate someone telling me, so I’ll say it straight out. I think you have a problem with dandruff. I’m worried that customers are turning away because of your appearance, and that’s not fair because you’re an excellent salesperson. Do you think that there is something that you could do to solve this problem?”
