Someone who is emotionally intelligent is able to measure their own emotions, and they also understand how to recognize what other people are feeling.

Two methods for validating emotions in others are the VALUE Technique and the SOLER Technique. SOLER is a non-verbal approach that helps the other person feel heard and understood, while VALUE is a way to respond.

The SOLER Technique

While you are listening, use the non-verbal SOLER technique:

S	Sit quietly with your arms and legs uncrossed. Crossed limbs can be interpreted as unwilling to listen, closed-minded.
O	Maintain an open posture.
L	Lean slightly forward in the direction of the speaker.
E	Maintain eye contact. Be sensitive though – some people are uncomfortable with extended eye contact.
R	Stay relaxed. Pay particular attention to your shoulders and neck.

The VALUE Technique

How to react verbally when someone is talking:

V	Validate
A	Ask questions
L	Listen, especially listen to the vocal (the tone) as well as the verbal (the words)
U	Understand the meaning that can be behind the words
E	Empathize

Validation does not mean solving a problem or offering a solution. When we validate we acknowledge that we heard what the other person was saying. When someone is talking, listen without interrupting. Paraphrase, nod your head, or make appropriate listening responses to what they have said to show you are listening. Allow for pauses and silence.

Communication Tips

Ask open-ended questions that invite more than just a yes or no answer, encouraging the person to share their perspective on the issue.

Listen attentively to what they have to say. Hold off on forming judgments and focus on gathering more information. Avoid jumping in with solutions while the person is expressing their concerns; allow them to finish speaking.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues as well. Observe their body language—does it align with their words? Non-verbal signals, such as gestures, fidgeting, and eye contact, can either support or contradict what is being communicated verbally.

Aim to empathize rather than simply sympathize. While you don’t have to agree, strive to understand the reasons behind the person’s feelings. Do you truly grasp their perspective?