A frame of reference is the lens through which we judge others. While we all make judgments about people, truly understanding what’s happening requires us to suspend those judgments and allow their meaning to emerge without bias. A communicator’s ability to set aside their frame of reference is a vital skill that enhances credibility and effectiveness.
Your frame of reference encompasses your beliefs, assumptions, values, feelings, judgments, emotions, advice, moods, thoughts, biases, and stress levels at any moment. Because this frame is deeply personal and ingrained, it can be challenging to consistently practice suspension. We interpret reality from our own perspective, which can sometimes lead to self-serving reactions. To communicate effectively, we must learn to consider both others’ viewpoints and feelings and our own.
How can we do this? Try to:
- Put others before yourself
- Check things out before jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, or reacting emotionally
- Give others the benefit of the doubt
Suspension of belief is especially appropriate when others need to be understood in order for their tension or stress to be defused.
Think about suspending belief in these situations:
- A police officer who arrives on a violent scene where everyone has a weapon, but someone is declaring their innocence.
- A scene at work where workers are bullying a co-worker. The person who appears to be the victim, however, is a known bully.
- You put your lunch in the fridge when you arrived at work this morning, but when you look in your lunch bag, half the lunch is missing.
- You reach for the last loaf of bread in the bakery at the same time as someone else. The other person looks harried, but otherwise very similar to you.
