Active listening means that we try to understand things from the speaker’s point of view. Active listening involves demonstrating to the speaker that we are fully engaged and have comprehended their message. Unlike mere hearing, which is a physical process where sound waves hit the eardrum and are transmitted to the brain, active listening requires an intentional approach to understanding the speaker’s message. It involves not only grasping the content of what is being communicated but also interpreting the emotions and attitudes behind the words (e.g., whether the speaker is happy, angry, excited, or sad). This attitude fosters a deeper, shared understanding between the listener and the speaker.

Responding to Feelings

The content (the words spoken) is one thing, but the way people feel really gives full value to the message. Responding to the speaker’s feelings adds an extra dimension to listening. Are they disgusted and angry, or in love and excited? Perhaps they are ambivalent! These are all feelings you can reply to in your part of the conversation.

Reading Cues

Really listening means that we are also very conscious of the non-verbal aspects of the conversation.

• What are the speaker’s facial expressions, hand gestures, and posture telling us?
• Is their voice loud or shaky?
• Are they stressing certain points?
• Are they mumbling or having difficulty finding the words they want to say?

Demonstration Cues

When you are listening to someone, these techniques will show a speaker that you are paying attention, providing you are being sincere.

Physical indicators include making eye contact, nodding your head from time to time, and leaning into the conversation.

You can also give verbal cues or use phrases such as “Uh-huh,” “Go on,” “Really!” and “Then what?”

You can use questions for clarification or summarizing statements. Examples:

• “Do you mean they were charging $4.00 for just a cup of coffee?”
• “So after you got a cab, got to the store, and found the right sales clerk, what happened then?”